Albemarle man arrested after Craigslist-related marijuana bustNovember 2012The Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement Task Force took a Craigslist drug dealer offline on Monday. Police arrested Hunter Brown, 22, of Albemarle County, after he sold two ounces of marijuana to undercover members of the task force, authorities said Tuesday."It was very surprising for us to see that somebody was advertising narcotics on Craigslist," said Sgt. Tim Aylor with the task force. "We’ve seen stolen property and prostitution rings there before, but nothing like this."A tip alerted investigators to a coded message containing drug references in the city’s section of the online hub for classifieds and community listings last week, Aylor said.
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
20121115
Face-Palm News
20110811
OMG... Hide The Epsom!
4 Arrested in Bath Salt Ring Bust(Source)
August 11, 2011
The Augusta County Sheriff's Office has arrested four people for allegedly distributing bath salts in Craigsville.
The Rush Drug Task Force raided the suspects homes and found more than $10,000 worth of the illegal drug. Over the past few weeks, multiple people in the Craigsville area have died from an overdose of these drugs.
Holly Sprouse, Billy Ryder, Timothy Lancaster and Kenneth Cash were charged with the possession of Schedule I narcotic drugs. Sprouse was also charged with distribution of the drugs.
The task force raided three homes on Augusta Springs Road and one on the 3800 block of Little Calk Pasture Highway.
Police believe the suspects were crossing state lines to buy the illegal drugs and traffic them back to the county. The Federal Drug Enforcement Administration is also involved in the investigation because of the alleged trafficking.
The Augusta County police and the DEA are continuing to investigate the case.
Okay so it wasn’t a JADE operation, but can’t you just picture members of the Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement Task Force rolling around on the street slugging it out with
20110610
Is It Wrong That I Find This Amusing?
Virginia State Police On the Look-Out for Missing Vehicle
From Virginia State Police:
State and local law enforcement are on the look out for a missing Ford Expedition belonging to the Virginia State Police. The black 2001 Ford Expedition was discovered missing from the parking lot of the state police Appomattox Division headquarters late Wednesday (June 8, 2011). The headquarters is located off of Route 460 in Appomattox.
The Ford Expedition is a spare vehicle equipped with a blue light attached to the passenger-side sun visor and one blue LED light in the rear window. Its Virginia license plate is XPX 2447.
Upon the vehicle's disappearance, state police immediately initiated an investigation into the vehicle's whereabouts. Law enforcement statewide and throughout the region have also been notified of the vehicle's disappearance.
Anyone who might recognize the vehicle or know anything about its disappearance is asked to please contact the Virginia State Police toll-free at 1-800-552-0962 or (434) 352-7128.
From Virginia State Police:
State and local law enforcement are on the look out for a missing Ford Expedition belonging to the Virginia State Police. The black 2001 Ford Expedition was discovered missing from the parking lot of the state police Appomattox Division headquarters late Wednesday (June 8, 2011). The headquarters is located off of Route 460 in Appomattox.
The Ford Expedition is a spare vehicle equipped with a blue light attached to the passenger-side sun visor and one blue LED light in the rear window. Its Virginia license plate is XPX 2447.
Upon the vehicle's disappearance, state police immediately initiated an investigation into the vehicle's whereabouts. Law enforcement statewide and throughout the region have also been notified of the vehicle's disappearance.
Anyone who might recognize the vehicle or know anything about its disappearance is asked to please contact the Virginia State Police toll-free at 1-800-552-0962 or (434) 352-7128.
20110525
Pulp Reality
Due to antagonism by the Virginia State Police towards me and one of their own, I believe penning a paperback “The VSP Screwed-Up My Sex Life” is adequate recourse. Perhaps in the same vein as:
Sugared vulgarity and all.
Sugared vulgarity and all.
20110524
THIS Could ONLY Happen To Me
I'm running an overnight stakeout on an officer -- no, not anyone in JADE ‘cause that’s still legally unacceptable -- and A. Freaking. Bird. soars in my car window!
I scream, my binoculars go flying, dogs in the neighborhood all launch into a chorus of high alert, the cardinal swoops around the interior twice then glides out the open glass on the driver’s side.
So much for me being “low key.”
I just can’t believe under parallel circumstances this kind of preposterous bizarreness ever befalls members of Law Enforcement.
I scream, my binoculars go flying, dogs in the neighborhood all launch into a chorus of high alert, the cardinal swoops around the interior twice then glides out the open glass on the driver’s side.
So much for me being “low key.”
I just can’t believe under parallel circumstances this kind of preposterous bizarreness ever befalls members of Law Enforcement.
20110207
The Po-Po’s Ho-Ho
Commonwealth's Attorney to Run for Re-Election
February 7, 2011
(Source)Denise Lunsford, the Commonwealth Attorney for Albemarle County plans to announce her decision to run for re-election during a press conference on Thursday.
Lunsford will make the announcement in front of the Albemarle County Courthouse at 12:30 p.m.
Lunsford says she appreciates the opportunity she has had to serve Albemarle County and wants the chance to do more for the community.
"During my time as Commonwealth's Attorney I have raised community confidence in my office and greatly improved relations with law enforcement. I have appreciated the opportunity to serve the citizens of Albemarle County and hope to continue to enhance our community through my work in this office," said Lunsford.
Lunsford has served as Albemarle County's Commonwealth Attorney since 2007.
Is it too very vain of me for thinking Miz Lunsford should give some credit to I HeArTE JADE for her ameliorated bond with Law Enforcement? ;)
20101228
ROFL
Three complimentary-use items found in the men’s bathroom at the Virginia State Police Academy -- as photographed by a VSP acquaintance of mine:
1. POWERSTICK Deodorant
2. Bottle of “MACHO”
3. PETROLEUM JELLY
There’s gotta be a joke there somewhere...
1. POWERSTICK Deodorant
2. Bottle of “MACHO”
3. PETROLEUM JELLY
There’s gotta be a joke there somewhere...
20101208
I Just Noticed...
In the picture from my previous entry, CPD Detective Todd Lucas was captured in the reflection by his buddy Det. Rudman:
20100929
2 Minutes Out Of My 48 Hours At Camp ACRJ
The eminent male Corrections Officer, who, really, belongs in a Calvin Klein ad not a jail, unlocks my cell and swings open its door. “The nurse wants to see you.” I pad along behind him in my mismatched-by-bleach blue inmate-issued shoes to a compact room where perched at a desk sits a blonde woman wearing a white coat and more mascara than Drew Barrymore.
Nurse Imperious: Have you gotten a [mandatory] PPD recently?
Me: Not since the other one I got here last time -- over a year ago.
Nurse Imperious: You know if we give you one now, you can’t be checked until…
Me: I thought that’s why you called me in here -- to check it; y’all already gave me a shot.
Nurse Imperious: Didn’t I ask you if you’d had one recently? Didn’t I ask her if she’d had one recently?
Me: Oh, I thought you meant prior to this one. Forgive me for thinking the facility who just administered the thing to me two days ago would actually have a record of doing so.
Nurse Imperious: Have you gotten a [mandatory] PPD recently?
Me: Not since the other one I got here last time -- over a year ago.
Nurse Imperious: You know if we give you one now, you can’t be checked until…
Me: I thought that’s why you called me in here -- to check it; y’all already gave me a shot.
Nurse Imperious: Didn’t I ask you if you’d had one recently? Didn’t I ask her if she’d had one recently?
Me: Oh, I thought you meant prior to this one. Forgive me for thinking the facility who just administered the thing to me two days ago would actually have a record of doing so.
20100920
20100620
20100615
20100603
When Arrested By JADE, Try To Blend In With Your Surroundings
This is one of those pictures I should've put up a long time ago since it's even funnier with the cropped-out Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement Officers in it.
20100531
Dirty Dirty Trooper
OH MY GOSH -- I just got my first ticket for taking a picture of a Virginia State Policeman! Okay, technically the citation states “improper stopping on highway” but that’s not what the irrationally incensed Trooper B.P. Long was shouting at me.
The court date on the summons is July 14, 2010, 9:00AM. Fer sure I will be retaining a lawyer this time ‘round, which means the entire hilarious story that I am dying -- absolutely dying -- to share with y’all will have to wait. ‘Til then, here are some legally acquired photographs of Brandon Long and Michael Bailey, the two confrontational tuff guys themselves:
The court date on the summons is July 14, 2010, 9:00AM. Fer sure I will be retaining a lawyer this time ‘round, which means the entire hilarious story that I am dying -- absolutely dying -- to share with y’all will have to wait. ‘Til then, here are some legally acquired photographs of Brandon Long and Michael Bailey, the two confrontational tuff guys themselves:
20100515
Of Purses And Public Buildings
I almost never carry a pocketbook. I really despise carrying a pocketbook. This day, because of too many errands to not, I had to carry a pocketbook.
Inside mine are a few common-to-handbag items: make-up, keys n wallet, sunglasses, pens. It also contains cameras, flashlights, a digital recorder, and beaucoup batteries. Plus, two screwdrivers -- the tool, not the drink. Don’t judge me. If I were a guy, no one would think anything of me toting around a full-size Philips and flat blade -- unless as a guy I was toting them around in a pink purse, in which case, yeah, I can see some judgment there.
All right, so I’m in the Albemarle General District Courthouse to find someone.
I walk up to the two Sheriffs? Deputies? whatever-they-ares -- I don’t think I’ve come across either gentleman before -- at the metal detector and hold out my portable pouch for them.
Before they even touch it, I say “There’s nothing in my purse I can bring in there” gesturing to the closed door that leads to the courtroom. “Can you just look through it then stick it in the corner?” I motion to the place on the floor off to the side where other officers have allowed me to store the cumbersome object in the past. The two men stare at me like I’ve asked them if I have snot oozing out of my nostrils.
As neither Officer Sit nor Officer Stand make a move to take and examine it, I deposit the purse on their table next to their tiny plastic bucket and explain “There are screwdrivers in it. And I know I can’t bring those into the courtroom.” Now it seems I’ve told them my snot is radioactive.
They refuse to let me leave my as-yet-to-be-probed purse behind -- something about it being against a rule; one which, they inform me when I inquisitively press them, happens to have been made this very morning! Gee.
At this point Officer Sit opens my carryall and pokes around. It makes no sense why he’s bothering now since it’s clear that not only can’t I bring it in there, neither can it stay out here. The act does, however, instantly give me an idea. “Hey! While y’all go through the bag, ya know before you tell me I can’t take it in there, I’m just gonna check to see if the person I’m looking for is in the courtroom, mkay?” With that, I pass through the metal detector.
Obviously I don’t set it off. Though I guess Officer Stand isn’t expecting the silence because he concurrently moves to block my path once I’m through. This time it is I who searches their faces for radioactive snot.
I mean, I’ve made it a point to not only let the uniform-clad duo know about the contraband, but also that I do not want -- in any way, shape, or form -- to bring it, or even the container it’s in, inside the courtroom. The metal detector isn’t bleating that I’m concealing anything, let alone a weapon, therefore what the hell is the problem?
I justifiably ignore Officer Sit and Officer Stand, rotate the doorknob and peek at the courtroom. Every Law Enforcement member in the place fixes eyes on yours truly. As does Commonwealth Attorney Denise Lunsford -- who, by the way, moments earlier had taken the long route to get into the building just so she could say “hello” to little ol’ me. But I don’t spot the right person.
I let the portal shut, reverse through the security device, smile at the matched set, retrieve my belongings, and sashay away.
A short time later, I find out Lunsford and the rest of the court folks are all in a tizzy because OH MY GOD SHE WAS TRYING TO SNEAK SCREWDRIVERS INTO THE COURTROOM!
Sigh.
On the one hand, maybe, maybe, if these people didn’t treat others as badly as they do, they wouldn’t have all that pent-up paranoia. On the other hand, isn’t it absolutely hilaridiculous?
Inside mine are a few common-to-handbag items: make-up, keys n wallet, sunglasses, pens. It also contains cameras, flashlights, a digital recorder, and beaucoup batteries. Plus, two screwdrivers -- the tool, not the drink. Don’t judge me. If I were a guy, no one would think anything of me toting around a full-size Philips and flat blade -- unless as a guy I was toting them around in a pink purse, in which case, yeah, I can see some judgment there.
All right, so I’m in the Albemarle General District Courthouse to find someone.
I walk up to the two Sheriffs? Deputies? whatever-they-ares -- I don’t think I’ve come across either gentleman before -- at the metal detector and hold out my portable pouch for them.
Before they even touch it, I say “There’s nothing in my purse I can bring in there” gesturing to the closed door that leads to the courtroom. “Can you just look through it then stick it in the corner?” I motion to the place on the floor off to the side where other officers have allowed me to store the cumbersome object in the past. The two men stare at me like I’ve asked them if I have snot oozing out of my nostrils.
As neither Officer Sit nor Officer Stand make a move to take and examine it, I deposit the purse on their table next to their tiny plastic bucket and explain “There are screwdrivers in it. And I know I can’t bring those into the courtroom.” Now it seems I’ve told them my snot is radioactive.
They refuse to let me leave my as-yet-to-be-probed purse behind -- something about it being against a rule; one which, they inform me when I inquisitively press them, happens to have been made this very morning! Gee.
At this point Officer Sit opens my carryall and pokes around. It makes no sense why he’s bothering now since it’s clear that not only can’t I bring it in there, neither can it stay out here. The act does, however, instantly give me an idea. “Hey! While y’all go through the bag, ya know before you tell me I can’t take it in there, I’m just gonna check to see if the person I’m looking for is in the courtroom, mkay?” With that, I pass through the metal detector.
Obviously I don’t set it off. Though I guess Officer Stand isn’t expecting the silence because he concurrently moves to block my path once I’m through. This time it is I who searches their faces for radioactive snot.
I mean, I’ve made it a point to not only let the uniform-clad duo know about the contraband, but also that I do not want -- in any way, shape, or form -- to bring it, or even the container it’s in, inside the courtroom. The metal detector isn’t bleating that I’m concealing anything, let alone a weapon, therefore what the hell is the problem?
I justifiably ignore Officer Sit and Officer Stand, rotate the doorknob and peek at the courtroom. Every Law Enforcement member in the place fixes eyes on yours truly. As does Commonwealth Attorney Denise Lunsford -- who, by the way, moments earlier had taken the long route to get into the building just so she could say “hello” to little ol’ me. But I don’t spot the right person.
I let the portal shut, reverse through the security device, smile at the matched set, retrieve my belongings, and sashay away.
A short time later, I find out Lunsford and the rest of the court folks are all in a tizzy because OH MY GOD SHE WAS TRYING TO SNEAK SCREWDRIVERS INTO THE COURTROOM!
Sigh.
On the one hand, maybe, maybe, if these people didn’t treat others as badly as they do, they wouldn’t have all that pent-up paranoia. On the other hand, isn’t it absolutely hilaridiculous?
20100324
...Says The Officer Who DIDN’T Give His Name
From: Local Police
To: I HeArTE JADE
Date: Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Subject: Pictures
If you wanted pics of my car, you could have just asked! No need to sneak around behind me...I would be happy to allow you to take pictures of my car for all to see. Have a safe day.
To: I HeArTE JADE
Date: Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Subject: Pictures
If you wanted pics of my car, you could have just asked! No need to sneak around behind me...I would be happy to allow you to take pictures of my car for all to see. Have a safe day.
20100221
FYI: Flattery doesn’t work on me. Neither does so-called reverse psychology. I may, on occasion, play along with either or both for fun though.
From: Free Email ServiceAww… bless your little heart; you’re just trying so hard, aren’t you officer? All right, all right, I’ll remove your name(s) and picture from that entry. Now you run along and play in traffic or whatever else it is a “boring” or “low level uniform cop” does. Hugs!
To: I HeArTE JADE
Date: Sun, Feb 21, 2010 at 1:18 AM
Subject: From a fan
[H]i! I am a fan of your site, I just wanted to offer some constructive criticism. If the site is supposed to be about JADE, why are you spending so much time on boring regular uniformed cops? Just wondering b/c I really dig the JADE stuff but really could care less what a low level uniform cop does in his free time. Sorry I had to send this from an anonymous site, but I have seen your capabilities and really just wanted this to be a one way email, ya know?
Hugs!
-I HEART JADE FAN!
20100219
Cyber B&E
So in response to my Facebookin’ post, an Albemarle County police officer tried to crack my image hosting account.
Really, dude? I mean, really?
These policemen actively participate in a massive social network on the world wide web then act as if their privacy is violated when someone calls attention to it? It’s ridiculous. Literally side-aching laugh-out-loud ridiculous.
Lemme clue you in, Mr. ACPD darlin’ -- that’s right I do know who you are, ‘cause I’m all computer-savvy that way; if you object to your appearance as a mere extra on I HeArTE JADE, it’s best not to do things that’ll tempt me into giving you top billing. You see, I love playing games with guys like you. We can kind of get like that whole metaphorical “fuel the fire” thing going on. You understand, don’t ya?
Really, dude? I mean, really?
These policemen actively participate in a massive social network on the world wide web then act as if their privacy is violated when someone calls attention to it? It’s ridiculous. Literally side-aching laugh-out-loud ridiculous.
Lemme clue you in, Mr. ACPD darlin’ -- that’s right I do know who you are, ‘cause I’m all computer-savvy that way; if you object to your appearance as a mere extra on I HeArTE JADE, it’s best not to do things that’ll tempt me into giving you top billing. You see, I love playing games with guys like you. We can kind of get like that whole metaphorical “fuel the fire” thing going on. You understand, don’t ya?
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