All personally identifying information on this site discovered utilizing resources readily available to the general public. All publicly-obtainable court documents, media reports, and any content of similar nature, provided herein or linked to were pre-published elsewhere by parties other than myself. General images along with my personal photographs are garnered via publicly accessible sources through legal means. The purpose for republishing or otherwise publicizing the information is simply to support the content contained herein.


A Policeman Knew My Name

♫ Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
‘Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) ♫

There’s no shortage of people cycling through the Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement workplace. Back when I was first trying to figure out who the Task Force members were, I found myself especially having a blast identifying a number of other cops in order to weed them out from those on the elite narcotics squad.

Uniform-wearing law enforcement posed no problem as obviously I needed only read their name tags:

Plainclothes policemen were a bit trickier and it often took some inventiveness to learn who they were. One such non-JADE officer was of course Charlottesville detective Todd Lucas:

The driver of this vehicle showed up on JADE scenes often enough to pique my curiosity:

I found out the cute Pontiac Grand Prix belongs to D.J. Harris, another non-JADE city detective. He’s this guy in the dark blue shirt:

David Harris is married to federal public defender Andrea Harris, a fact which one of my sources tells me gives his fellow boys in blue something to occasionally grumble about. With one Harris lockin’ thugs up and the other gettin’ them out, I reckon so.

I havta say the Who’s That LEO? game can be highly addictive. When leaving the Harris’ neighborhood, after taking these pictures and ensuring I’d been correct about the man’s identity:

I spotted this has-5-0-written-all-over-it car:

‘Twas sorta hard to miss that hockey puck antenna. Turned out that particular Dodge Intrepid is being used by Albemarle County Sergeant Amos Chiarappa.

Speaking of identifying ACPD men, I do believe I’m almost through ID-ing their Tactical Team:

An addiction, it is.


More Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement (JADE) Numbers

Most of the Task Force Officers never usually answer their desk phones but at least a few of them always sometimes answer their cell phones.

Jon Seitz: 434-531-5382

John Baber: 434-531-5384

Jimmy Bunch: 434-531-5089


News For The Record

November 2009
Honduran man gets 6 years for cocaine charges

A Honduran man pleaded guilty Tuesday [November 24] in Waynesboro Circuit Court to bringing drugs across the Virginia border from Texas.

Judge Humes J. Franklin Jr. sentenced Matias Murrillo Lincoln, 44, of Fort Worth, Texas, to six years in prison for transporting, possessing and manufacturing cocaine.

Authorities caught Lincoln on May 21 with Yvonne Gutierrez, 27, at Comfort Inn near Interstate 64 in Waynesboro with a suitcase containing a cereal box holding more than eight ounces of powder cocaine.

After being tipped by an informant, the Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement [JADE] task force – including officers from Charlottesville and Albemarle County – set up a sting to catch Lincoln and Gutierrez.


Tag; You’re It!

Ya Don’t Say

Near the beginning of the month, I -- mainly for my own amusement -- put up an audio clip of a conversation JADE Detective Brian O’Donnell and I had sometime in 2009.

My husband, who I’ve been separated from for over three years, is now vengefully spinning said sound bite for his own benefit. Along with concocting a story to give the recording some bogus context, he’s nuttily transcribed the thing and dishonestly added unspoken words to it. It looks so legit though; it never ceases to amaze me how skilled he is at deception.

At any rate, I was going to remove the link to my chat with the studly Task Force Officer, then let the mp3 undergo death by exceeded bandwidth, but upon further reflection I remembered my husband no longer controls me and can’t hurt me anymore.

So it stays.


News Long Past

August 2008

Drug bust nets crack cocaine, 1 arrest

An Albemarle County man is in jail facing drug charges after an undercover operation, according to the Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement task force.

Officers with JADE and Albemarle police arrested 29-year-old Brian Lamont Robinson at about 6 p.m. Wednesday, JADE Lt. Don Campbell said.

Officers seized about 70 grams of crack cocaine in the undercover bust in the 2600 block of Barracks Road, said Campbell, who estimated the cocaine’s street value at $14,000.

Robinson faces a felony charge of possessing cocaine with the intent to distribute.

He is being held at the Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail.


Press Hard... There Are Three Copies

City officers Kyle Boynton and Otis Collier were in the struck Charlottesville Police Department’s unmarked car that I primarily associate with TFO Granville Fields. According to The Hook, which has a piece on the November 17th collision, Boynton, the driver, was charged with “failure to yield.” A search on VCCI evidences the citation was issued by Robert L. McCormick.

I Recognize That Ford!

November 17, 2009

A police officer on the way to Tuesday's bank robbery at the Wachovia on 10th Street NE was injured in a wreck. The wreck happened on Route 29 in front of the Seminole Square Shopping Center in Albemarle County.

Police say two officers were in an unmarked vehicle when the[y] pulled into traffic and the car was broadsided. One of the officers was taken to the hospital and his condition is not known right now.

Investigators have not said if the squad car’s lights and sirens were activated at the time of the wreck.

Video link.

That’s Granville “Hot. As. Hell.” Fields’ Taurus!

The tag’s the same. XZT-6767. See?

Got other pictures of it here, and here.

I mentioned the whole crashin’ cop cars thing like just a week ago, too. How weird is that?

The Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement (JADE) Task Force has been busy. As have I.

First there is this:
Charlottesville detectives arrested three people in Albemarle County and seize $7,000 worth of cocaine in an undercover buy-bust operation.

On Friday, November 13th, JADE detectives arrested Fernando Mernio Alvarez, 34, of Waynesboro, Jeanette Joan Houchens, 45, of Waynesboro, and Enriquez Baeza Heriberto, 35, of Albemarle County on charges of possession of cocaine with the intent to distribute.

They were arrested while allegedly trying to sell cocaine at the intersection of Route 250 and Shadwell Station Lane in Albemarle County.

Houchens was released on $3,500 bond, and Alvarez and Heriberto were held without bond. 190 grams of cocaine were seized in the operation. Police say this is an ongoing investigation, and charges are still pending.

Granville Fields is responsible for this capture, but both Alvarez and Heriberto were snagged once before by Paul Best back in July 2008.


Long ago I learned from reporters that JADE had established a reputation for habitually snubbing media. Moreover, refusing to return newsmen’s phone calls and shouting at journalists were not uncommon complaints. Even if one were to present a legitimate argument that, due to the nature of their work, it’s understandable JADE would be leery about what’s broadcast, that still doesn’t excuse their conduct of snobbery and temperamental snits -- and their poorly written infrequent press releases don’t make up for it either.

Also, as big a deal as Task Force command group member Charlottesville Police Chief Tim Longo makes about “community relations,” JADE’s unwillingness to even remotely communicate with area residents is no secret. I dare an average citizen to contact any one of these guys and ask a couple of reasonable innocuous questions. See how far ya get.

I’m not complaining, as those two factors have to a great extent been superific for I HeArTE JADE. Hey, if the Task Force won’t supply the public with information, the public will go to a source that will. So, in the spirit of providing as much JADE-related junk as possible...

While only a sole mainstream publication initially covered the Martin Luther Foster story, nary a one bothered with a follow-up. It needn’t have been given a big to-do; a mention that the case agent was JADE’s VA State Policeman Joe Fleming, that yesterday, November 17, 2009, Mr. Foster was convicted in Albemarle Circuit Court, and that sentencing is to follow at a later date, would’ve done it.

Third and final gets its own entry:



C-Ville: Keeping Cops Safe From Blog Posts Since 2009

“They’re not prosecuting them.”

Though the person who spoke that sentence to me yesterday, has never lied to me, I can’t believe the outrageous information is true. A quick investigation to get a second opinion of sorts leads me to accept his four words are correct. They’re not prosecuting them. I’m stunned. Floored.

On September 2, 2009, I was charged with obstruction of justice in the city of Charlottesville. They used an operation conducted by Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement near Belmont Park that I witnessed two months earlier on July 9, 2009, as grounds for the charge.

On October 15, 2009, I pleaded guilty to the charge but, man, did I loathe doing so. It’s really not the pleading guilty part that burns me up inasmuch as having to plead guilty to that particular charge.

My presence at the location the Task Force was carrying on business in no way prevented them from performing their duties -- they set ‘em up; they took ‘em down.

When it looked like Charlottesville’s commonwealth attorney, Dave Chapman, and I would be facing off in court over the matter, I was ready as all get-out to fight the freakin’ allegation. Unfortunately the battle was not to be.

In a media interview after the case was over, Mr. Chapman declared I had been “there [at Belmont] driving around,” that “the appearance of the same vehicle could spook the target,” and my proximity to what they were doing was “threatening to blow the officers’ cover.” He’s admitting nothing actually did “spook the target” and that no one’s “cover” was blown. JADE successfully got two arrests out of that procedure. Driving around isn’t illegal. I’m sorry, but where exactly was the obstruction?

Listen folks, having the potential to commit the crime is not the same as actually committing the crime.

But, yeah, that’s how they roll.

Joe Hatter has sniveled to more than one person that since I could sneak up on him with a camera, I could ambush him with a gun. While it’s technically true, it’s unlikely. It’s the equivalent of me insisting that since Hatter can light a match, he could burn down my house. Again, technically true. But irrational.

I repeat: having the potential to commit the crime is not the same as actually committing the crime.

Anyway, back on track, while I got prosecuted, guess who did not.

Jeffrey M. Terry.

Who’s he, you ask? He’s one of the men JADE hooked up in the Belmont Park operation. The same Belmont Park operation I supposedly got in the way of. The same Belmont Park operation that landed me the charge of obstruction of justice. For which I was prosecuted. Mmhmm.

Despite Mr. Terry, an already a convicted felon, being caught with 45 grams of crack and a 9mil, the city of Charlottesville opted to Nolle Prosequi all four -- that’s 1-2-3-4 -- of the felony charges that the latest TFO, Tavis Coffin, slapped on him. Seeeeeeeeee:

Gosh that Mr. Terry is one lucky fellow, eh?

I also heard the other man snagged that night, the out-on-bail Marchella J. Alexander, is going to have his single charge of cocaine distribution dropped too.

I confess I don’t think like most people. But I can’t imagine that if given the choice between me being prosecuted or those two men being prosecuted, most people would point their fingers in my direction. Yet I’m the one with the conviction. The pair of dealers? Well, they’re freely roaming the streets. With coke. And firearms. Courtesy of the Task Force’s tax-payer-funded phenomenal “catch and release” program, I guess.



Charlottesville Rag “The Hook” Throws Another Punch At JADE

School rule: 1,000 feet add felony drug charge
By: Lisa Provence
Published: Nov 11, 2009

“Of the eight alleged drug dealers arrested by the Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement Task Force recently, three of the suspects picked up additional felony charges for allegedly plying their trade within a legal buffer zone around a school -- in one case, the University of Virginia.”

“JADE’s Lieutenant Don Campbell would not release the exact location at which the out-of-towners were arrested, but he says the proximate school is Woodbrook Elementary and that JADE knew the distance was less than 1,000-feet because Albemarle police told them.

‘We wouldn’t have charged it if it wasn’t right,’ says Campbell.”

“‘The question the community might be concerned with is if you don’t know a school is within 1,000 feet, should you be punished twice?’ asks [Public Defender Jim] Hingeley. He points out that while the statute is designed to punish dealers who sell drugs to kids, it also ensnares those who have no intention of selling to students.”
Full story.

2009 News

October 2009

JADE arrests 2 men accused of selling drugs near school

The Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement task force has arrested two Northern Virginia men accused of selling drugs in front of a school.

Jose N. Cano, 26, of Woodbridge, and Jorge Saul Rosales-Garcia, 26, of Fredericksburg, were charged Tuesday with possession of cocaine with the intent to distribute and distribution of cocaine within 1,000 feet of a school.

It was not clear which school the men were accused of selling drugs near. The buy-bust operation took place in the 1800 block of Seminole Trail in Albemarle County. Authorities seized 4 1/2 ounces of cocaine, which has a street value of $4,500.

The men are being held without bond at the Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail. Information about their court dates was not available.

JADE Has A New Member!

Okay, technically the Task Force has had a new member for practically ever but, aside from a way back when insouciant reference that I’ve known about him, obviously I’ve excluded him from I HeArTE JADE. My excuse reason? I was just kinda savin’ him for a rainy day, I suppose. While today was, honestly, full of showers, I actually have a serious incentive for suddenly identifying their twelfth fellow.

Unfortunately, I guess I might’ve waited a teeny bit too long to introduce him the way I’d intended seeing as how cheezball events have made it so that now I can’t add photographs of him to the site or possibly publish his address. I can, however, post pictures of his car, provide his license plate, give out his cell number, comment on his next door neighbor, et cetera. And maybe I’ll get around to that junk -- plus my grounds for the revelation -- in the future. Right now I’m just going to focus on his name.

When I got word Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement would be hiring a new man, it took me all of five seconds to learn he’d be an addition from the Albemarle County Police Department -- their budgeted fourth. Five seconds more and I found out his name is Tavis Coffin. Turns out Mr. Coffin is known for his, ahem, less than smooth driving abilities. The prime pseudonym for an on-duty officer with that surname who ran his law enforcement vehicle into a ditch? Cruiser Crasher Coffin.

Interestingly enough, I did some research -- curiosity got the better of me -- and I discovered another cop, Jason Lovell, a Lieutenant in Easley, South Carolina, also wound up working narcotics sometime after wrecking his car. (Someone should take a snapshot of Lt. Lovell and give it to the Easley PD since they’re apparently lacking a photo of the officer.)

Since Cruiser Crasher is as brilliant as some of JADE’s other public servants, such as the former Trooper who preferred to shoot a man rather than just let go of him, or the policeman who sent someone to prison for gesturing at him, no doubt he’ll do one hell of a bang-up job.


Searchers Come And Go, But Google Is Forever

Jefferson Area
Drug Enforcement
Task Force



Albemarle County
University of Virginia
Virginia State
Police Department

Officer Cop
Special Agent SA
Detective Det.
Lieutenant Lt.
Sergeant Sgt.

John Baber
Paul Best
Jimmy Bunch
Don Campbell
Tavis Coffin
Granville Fields
Joe Fleming
Joe Hatter
Jon McKay
Brian O’Donnell
Jon Seitz
John Stoltz


The First Ride To Jail

I guess something Law Enforcement wants at the onset of a raid is for their target person to be maximally disoriented. I definitely had scatterbrained moments as the VSP assault team swarmed the house, and the reverie-like mental mess that ensued upon their ingress still confuses me to this day. But sooner or later that hinkiness they originally introduce has to ebb. Consternation will be replaced by cautiousness. When it starts to sink in you’re probably not going to be killed by a door-kickin’ aggression-stricken trigger-itchin’ Super Trooper, that is such a good feeling! You may even return to your normal state of mind enough to be acutely aware of what occurs from then on. At least that’s how it went for me.

I have tiny wrists -- 5 ½ inches around, to be exact. In fact, I once (voluntarily) helped a Sergeant demonstrate how, with individuals like me, both hands can be easily secured in a single side of manacles and the remaining empty shackle can be fastened to, say, a belt loop. The point is, locking metal rings on me, well, it’s pretty much like handcuffing a young child.

Smurfette, Special Agent Trent’s perfunctory VA State policewoman, very nicely noticed the size of my wrists and pledged she wouldn’t put the restraints on too tight. I felt by her manner she meant it sincerely but, between her fluster under Mr. Trent’s scrutiny and the uncooperativeness of the equipment itself, I knew the things would end up clamped like alligator jaws. By the time she pulled the key away, the route my blood usually cycles was already ten fingers and two palms shorter. Pain. Pain. Pain. Ow. Pain. I kept my mouth shut about it as all it took was one look in Jason Trent’s eyes to figure it wouldn’t be fixed. Additionally, I didn’t want these guys thinking Smurfette was any more inept than they already thought.

When Mr. Trent motioned me towards a branded State Police car, I expected to be shoved in the rear of it. Therefore its hind door is what I moved for. But the thewy investigator stopped me and informed me -- somewhat snippy, I thought -- that I’d be riding up front. Really? Not-auh. Really? How come? How weird.

With Agent Trent in the backseat, me in front of him, and Smurfette as our chauffeur, we were ready to… not be trapped in the driveway like we were. Their remaining unmarked vehicles combined with the three or four belonging to the residence made the usually maneuverable lot anything but. A little deliberation and it was decided, with my permission, Smurfette could turn around on the lawn.

I thought she would pull straight onto the grass a few feet, reverse to the left, and exit on the right. Elementary technique even a newly-licensed sixteen-year-old could pull off. But she hesitated and instead drove significantly out into the turf. A field, really. Wide open field. Mkay. So she’s just gonna swing ‘round here then drive back out the way she came. That’ll work too. But rather than the sensible U-turn I was expecting, she whipped right, realized her mistake, and jammed the brakes.

We’re on a hill. Facing down. On damp sod. Oh no. No. Shes not going to… Smurfette thrust the gearshift. She wants to back up now?! From here?! Tires spun. She wrenched the steering wheel. Muddy pieces of green strands flung. I sighed.

Remember how I’ve said the lady was exhibiting wracked nerves? Yeah; try to imagine what this stupid ordeal was doing to her. In front of all of her colleagues, no less. I thought about Mr. Trent rooted behind us. Sure. You’ve dominated this girl all along and this is when you decide to hold your tongue? You douche.

The perturbed Smurfette quickly threw it in D and gave the cruiser some gas. And by “some” I mean “way too much.” Also she didn’t adjust the steering wheel. So the tires were as far to the right as, I think, mechanically able, which had them once again revolving in place, and the car was sliding in the muck they were churning up. I growled, a discontented I-cannot-believe-this-is-actually-happening throaty growl. Smurfette spoke: It’s all right. It’ll be all right. I know it sounds like she’s reassuring me but, no way; she’s consoling herself. This. Poor. Chick. I felt so bad for her.

Take charge Trent finally finally piped up and in splenetic tones directed the rattled officer. He was giving efficient instructions and though it took a few minutes for Smurfette to absorb his calls, ultimately we made it to the highway.

In the confines of the car,


•Declared he’d brought less men than is standard for their raids.
•Alluded my JADE-related activities had escalated over the previous few days.
•Quoted me from a prior chat that Task Force watching “isn’t something a normal person would do.”
•Unctuously implied that I had followed Paranoid Person X.
•Insinuated there would be pictures on my camera showing me tailing Paranoid Person X.
•Suggested I could use my auto as collateral for bond, if it came to that.
•Asked if I would leave JADE alone “now.”
•Managed to not only exhibit, but also maintain a perfectly balanced incongruous mixture of cockiness and courteousness.


•Examined the interior surroundings. Lotta stuff in here. Neato.
•Studied Smurfette. She’s pretty.
•Replied to Sir Trent I wished he hadn’t told me he’d under-packed for the raid. I’m so “dangerous” they didn’t need to bring their full team?
•Fidgeted because of the cuffs. When am I gonna feel my hands again?
•Doused Mr. Trent’s escalation theory with facetiousness. Could this guy be a bigger cheezball?
•Clarified the quote with “Normal people don’t go to the moon; that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” The man takes everything I say the wrong way.
•Specified, hotly, Paranoid Person X was someone “I’ve never even seen” let alone followed. Following PPX? Aha ha ha ha...
•Denied photographing Paranoid Person X. Shoot! Are those ones of [unidentified] going to show up on the camera? I know forensics can recover deleted images, but from how far back? Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.
•Pointed out how tough it’d be to do anything with JADE “now” considering I was in handcuffs. I bet I won’t have to paint my nails for the rest of my life. Because they. Are. Turning purple. And going to fall off, along with the digits theyre attached to.


•Mostly just breathed.

We arrived at our destination, Blue Ridge Regional Jail. Funny. I just put in an application for employment here.

(Continued here)


Five Fer Friday

1. For most investigators, once a case and its connected courtroom stage show is over, it’s over. O-V-E-R. Done. Finito! But a cool source of things VSP says Special Agent Jason Trent just can’t stop frequenting I HeArTE JADE. People, the man is stalking my site. So… New file? Still-active old file? He obsessed? You tell me.

2. A select few terms that have brought searchers from Google to my site recently:

jade wireless
joseph fleming va state police force
Ian Diner, Charlottesville, Virginia

I blame JADE’s Albemarle officer Jon McKay for that last one.

3. No longer must anyone resort to displaying the picture of me that both anti-racist and “pro-White” rejectamenta have been using against me for the last decade. Behold; an equally beautiful mugshot! Be assured these images absolutely accurately depict my appearance.

4. In the past year, 9000 persons have viewed my profile; it would’ve been 9 but, hey, the Task Force stallions traded in their thinkin’ for whinin’.

5. Detective Brian O’Donnell. Listen. Laugh. Or don’t.


The Best Man Didn’t Win

Despite 3,425 ballots in his favor, Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement Task Force detective Paul Best will not be the next Sheriff of Charlottesville. The position will instead be filled by his opponent, Albemarle County officer James Brown, who defeated the Independent-running Best by garnering 62 per cent. of the vote.

Apparently most area residents were not swayed by Best’s one-time dressed-down street corner electioneering, scarce placards, or last minute door-to-door canvassing. Still, Best says he’s pleased with his campaign and won’t mind continuing his work with JADE.


Their Office Telephone Numbers

Jefferson Area Drug Enforcement
(JADE) Task Force

965 2nd Street SE
Charlottesville, VA 22902












(cell phone numbers here and here)


Last Second Best Hoping To Come In First

Charlottesville Men Vie For Sheriffs Office
Updated: Nov 02, 2009 5:40 PM EST

“There are two men running for sheriff in Charlottesville in a race that’s gotten very little attention, although that’s started to change with some last minute campaigning.”

“Sheriffs candidate Paul Best says, ‘I just feel it’s time for the sheriff’s office here in Charlottesville to provide more benefits to the community in the same way that Albemarle county sheriff’s office does for their community.’”



When Your Best Buddy Goes To Bat For You, Nice!

Paul Best would be best for city sheriff
Joe F. Brown III
Published: October 28, 2009
Paul Best is the “best” choice for Charlottesville sheriff.
I am a police officer who works for a local police department. I have experienced Paul Best’s capabilities firsthand.
I attended the police academy with Paul, and over the past 15 years I have witnessed Paul’s honesty, trustworthiness, compassion and overall professionalism in the performance of his job.
He has worked in several roles as a police officer and a detective, partnering with the citizens of Charlottesville to increase the quality of life for those who live, work and visit the city.
Paul is running on an independent ticket. He believes a law enforcement officer’s duty is to the citizens and not to any particular political party.
He would work to improve the sheriff’s office and its functions by reducing overall budget costs through programs such as a volunteer citizens reserve deputy program.
He is also committed to developing and improving senior and youth programs.
When you cast your vote on Nov. 3, remember Charlottesville’s “best” choice for sheriff is Paul Best.

Joe F. Brown III
Albemarle County

Forecast: Mostly Clear With A Slight Chance Of Raid (Part 2)

(Part 1)

The rhythmic tattoo of boots as the assault squad descended the flight of steps seemed to mock the thumps of my heart.

What followed next could best be described as “the epitome of surreality.” It’s not that I can’t recollect certain things from the raid now -- as if they’ve just been dismissed from my mind with the passage of time; it’s like I wasn’t aware of them even as they were happening. I mean I distinctly remember asking myself questions like “how did I get in this room?” and “when did we come upstairs?” and never gaining the answers.

It’s like trying to watch a DVD with someone who won’t stop toying with the remote control.


They didn’t immediately enter the bedroom after the door swung open. Instead I was ordered to exit the quarters by a man I couldn’t see. I’m not sure if I’d gotten to my feet before the command came or after. Do everything they tell you to do. Exactly how they tell you to do it. Don’t be scared don’t be scared.

Fast Forward.

How did I get in this room? Special Agent Jason Trent was standing by my left side. Jason Trent? Really? Really? Another man was in front of us, slightly off to the right. Who’s he? I wanted to remember everyone so I eyed him carefully from head to toe, taking in each inch of him. By the time I’d gotten to his shoes, I’d already forgotten what his face looked like. Meh. I have the sense he had gray hair, and a gut that’s probably been hanging over his happy place since his 10th wedding anniversary. Someone flipped a switch and the room erupted with light.

Don’t show ‘em you’re scared don’t show ‘em you’re scared. Mr. Trent informed me I was being placed under arrest, plus read me my rights. That means he officially plans to interrogate me. Great; the man takes everything I say the wrong way. He was holding something during his trite spiel and although I was deliberately staring at it the entire time his lilting voice lifted and dived, all I could see in his massive hands was… was a… There was definitely something there -- a card with printed Miranda warnings seems logical -- but the blood pulsating in my ears and distracting thorns of anxiety blanked it out. Firearm?

I was not handcuffed.

Fast Forward.

I was asked where specific items were -- computer, camera. I gestured at the noticeable tower and screen that was eight inches in front of them. “We don’t need to take the monitor” Mr. Trent said to his accomplice. Hmm... why would he tell him something so obvious? Aren’t these guys supposed to be the professionals?

I think the camera’s in the car. It’s customary for me to bring it inside and download images straightaway when I’ve used it but I wasn’t sure I’d done so the night before. I was under the impression I’d intended to carry it in and decided, since I’d be putting it to work again so soon in the morning, I wouldn’t bother. I conveyed to the beefy men only that the object was in my automobile.

“Is that a laptop?” Agent Trent had targeted a zippered black case. I indicated his deduction was spot on and grabbed socks from a drawer. I was slipping my feet into a pair of Converse when, bent upside down, I again glanced at the Toshiba’s holder. On second thought, the camera might be in there. I, like, always carry it in with me. Frustrated with my amnesia poisoning, I brooded aloud something to the effect of what had just gone through my head. My uncertainty was resolved in moments; no picture-taking device inside the bag.

Still no cuffs.

Random Play.

An audio CD, made by Jon McKay, of a JADE-controlled drug buy, sitting atop a speaker on my desk caught my attention when one of the officers went near it. Ach! I hope the prints got wiped off that. I should’ve moved it. Aww… what are the chances I’ll get it back?

Random Play.

Kitchen. When did we come upstairs? Mr. Trent repeated something about if I told him where they could find items they were looking for, they wouldn’t need to disturb much. You mean no trashin’ the house? Hell, I’m all for that!


Officer Trent was predominately focused on the computers in the residence. Seriously. Tunnel vision. To the third power. I guess I can understand why, given that we’re in the digital age ‘n all, and the man steadfastly feels I’m “computer-savvy,” but I deem it nothing short of incompetent. I believe it’s generally a bad idea for law enforcement to rely on the mere potential of computer evidence as heavily as it does these days. In any case, this made cooperating with him and his team that much easier because a) there were only two PCs that I use and b) I didn’t have to reveal where anything else was that they didn’t have the sagacity to ask for.

Random Play.

Walked an unlit hallway, closely followed by Jason Trent. Stopped. Turned around and crashed into a different cop. It was a girl. Whoa. Where’d she come from?

Somewhere in the midst of the event I’d been told by Mr. Trent “I brought along a female officer. To pat you down.” Um, thanks? I’m sure Smurfette there is thrilled too.

Random Play.

I wonder if you vomit on one of them if they’ll charge you with assault.


Outside, inquiries I found odd were directed at me here and there including “do you have ID?” Huh? It’s not like you don’t know who I am.

In every direction I gazed there was an armed person. X26. Visions of Taser test subjects suddenly bubbled up. The middle of a raid is not the time for recourse.


Throughout I tried to be as obliging as possible. Always in the back of my mind was the thought that I didn’t want to slurp down a slug of Sig Sauer. Nor was I going to give them any leverage whatsoever for future courtroom testimony.

Random Play.

Count them. Now; now you should count them! … Seven. Eight. Nine…

Rewind. Play.

I unlocked my Toyota on the passenger side while several males, and the sole woman, donned in battle wear circled about the yard and driveway. Good gaaaawd. Wish I’d been the invisible participant in their briefing for this. I reckoned their soon-to-follow debriefing would consist of ten words: Well that was lame. She didn’t even swear at us.

Mr. Trent hovered near me at my vehicle -- to ensure I didn’t tamper with or remove his hallucinated evidence, I suppose. I wasn’t even given the opportunity to retrieve the identification he’d just a minute sooner requested before I got spun around and was patted down. Uuuh, I didn’t know they got that close to, ahem, there. Eek! Talk about “invasion of privacy.”

An audience of lawmen watched while their token female counterpart, a pretty, petite lady that Jason Trent could pro’ly cart around in his pocket, unskillfully moved her hands over me. Huh. She seems nervous. I think she’s more intimidated by these guys than I am. I’d noticed Mr. Trent had a habit of superciliously coaching her. Which in turn threw her off her groove. Which in turn compelled Mr. Trent to give her further directives. Exacerbation at its finest. If this is what they do to her all the time, it’s no wonder she’s angst-ridden.

Are these people all State Police? I’d barely put the dot on that question mark when…

Cuffs, at last.

(Continued here)