I HeArTE DOGS!

This one time I went to watch JADE serve a search warrant and, before I could get close enough for it to be interesting, my presence was caught by a dog. A friendly and excitable big dog by the sound of it. I’d have to get by it if I wanted to see what I’d gone to see. Shhh… I’d whispered hoping its hearing was as good as its sense of smell. I’d kept furtively slinking through the neighborhood of darkness, a thunderous Wuhooof! in echo to my every soundless footfall.

Silent pleading for the animal to shut up shut up shut up shut up in the name of all unholy hell SHUT UP didn’t work and I unlike badge-endowed pros couldn’t very well draw out a fire extinguisher with which to inhibit the grand barking beast. A stick-thin, skin-the-achromatic-color-of-maximum-lightness, giggling female cutting through a yard blasting CO2 out of a canister at someone’s pet might kind of counteract the objective of not attracting attention. Although I knew if Bowwow didn’t knock it off, there wouldn’t be anything living under the stars that wouldn’t know I was there anyway.

As I’d moved around the block, the clamoring canine moved around its yard -- everywhere equidistant. It was pretty clear it wasn’t going to relent. Any creature that persistent deserves to get its way once in a while; I figured that night it was the dog’s turn.

What -- you thought I was going to tell you some stunt I pulled to thwart the dog or I’d claim I’ve been carrying around raw meat in my pocket ever since, in case of a similar situation? Surprise! No and Eww... NO.